Moving Almost Completed & May Day

On Friday my mom was busy with getting the warehouse empty while I was trying to be helpful, packing some of the stuff upstairs. I wasn't that much of a help for there wasn’t anything much for me to do anymore so my mom dropped me home and went back. On Saturday my mom did a looong 13 hour day back on our previous home on her own. On Sunday my mom got everything still together and out of the house while I cleaned it up starting from upstairs, vacuuming every corner and washing the floor. It took surprisingly more time and we got to get out of there twelve o’clock at night. My mom went back to melt the freezers but they were way too frozen up and full of ice. She got back 4 a.m. at the morning and went to sleep for she had a work day next day.

On Monday we finally got every last stuff out of the house and it was finally completely empty. I continued emptying the other freezer which was finally melted. I also took final photos of every room which were now empty to look afterwards. It was May Day so Koskenranta (a park near Tammerkoski river) was absolutely crowded with teens drinking and... well, drinking. I was asked by my friends to come there and spend the rest of evening there but this was still a moving day and it came a bit suddenly so I couldn’t go there. First I felt bad for not going but however, I did go by that place and saw the craziest crowd of drunken and puking teens I’ve ever seen and that wasn’t a place for me after all – or a person with anxiety or panic disorder overall.

So, like first planned, the rest of the night and my May Day celebration was at home with my mom and cats being overly satisfied for the moving was “officially” over and only the rest of these grey moving boxes to be unpacked. The night included good drinks and cats in pizza boxes – not staining myself in overcrowded lawn with puking teens.

They decorate the four statues on the bridge next to city centre days before May Day:

Moving in Progress

On Monday I started to empty my two display cases and even they are “just” two display cases I knew it will take more time I imagined. It was shocking how much things and other shit was in there, although it has been eight years of storing so I guess there could be more... five full boxes was filled before I could see the empty shelves again. But it was apparently one of those places I had most of my things so it was a great thing to get them emptied. There was so much work to do and realizing how behind I was I got extremely anxious and I had one of many of those moments where I had serious doubts of am I going to get the job done. And the clock is ticking, Wednesday was just around the corner and I felt I was falling behind too much...

The cats seem to be more tired than we even they didn’t really do anything but they were so very excited about it all and explored the things that were happening diving in the boxes and almost seeing those piles as a Wonderland.

On Sunday there was a lot to do but luckily we watched the movie “Holiday” and it was so wonderful and left a very good feeling and gave strength for the coming week to come since we knew the first days would be more than hectic. We had actually tried to lighten up the whole weekend by watching movies – and so far it had worked well. It has always been my escape.

We were so back with the schedule so luckily on Tuesday we got people come to help with the packing. I worked with my closets and I was shocked how much shit was in every drawer and shelf I touched. I know that going through the papers etc. took more time than needed but I somehow managed to get everything ready in my room for the next day when the moving men would come and carry out the boxes.

So, then came Wednesday. The day was the most beautiful for moving, sun was shining and sky was blue with only a few fluffy clouds. The moving truck came and the same people were helping us to carry everything out from the house who were helped us packing our things a day before. The help was more than needed! It took about two hours to get almost everything on that truck – the rest stuff that didn’t go into the truck will be brought on Saturday.

Thoughts About Moving

After seeing about twenty boxes in front of the house was a wake up call that this is really happening. And only then I realized I will really miss this home. After carrying the boxes inside, I hated the “smell” of they left and it didn’t smell like home anymore, but rather a strange place - and that confirms the situation.

I have been taking photos of the house so after we have moved we could look at those photos and remember how our last home was... I took several “same” photos from the same corner but you can’t really see from the tiny screen of the camera is the photo a bit tilted or blurry, so I play it safe. I took photos yesterday, today and will continue taking photos tomorrow and planning on doing that on the coming days before the rooms are being touched and things put in boxes.

 All the cats were confused about what was going on and came to see what I was doing. Siru must jump over the display case and watched at me from above...

It came a bit of a shock how fast this all is going after all. At first I waited it would, for it felt taking too long (also partially because of the raging anxiety, I suppose) and this one day when I sat down and talked about this whole thing with my mom it came up that we are moving already on this next Wednesday and start packing every day from now on. I had been hearing date 1st of May so much that in my head I thought we would move then but Wednesday is already 25th day. And now this all is feeling to go on too fast... Pretty stupid, huh.

I feel that I don’t have time to take everything out of this place since we are not spending this summer here and even realizing my anxiety must have been because of this moving thing and now it’s even more for I feel I have to use this time somehow very creatively and I don’t know what to do. I just hate seeing these grey plastic moving boxes around and every time I go in any room I’m trying to save the sight in my head for I know it would be packed in grey boxes faster than I know. I’m admire these sunny days between these grey cloudy ones while I’m still here, in this house. I know I can come back here to walk around this place but I fear and know it might not feel the same since the moving is over and I no longer live here. And like always going to places where I used to live and seeing my old homes with some other people now living in them feels just somehow uncomfortable and strange. I never get use to that.

I hope that everything goes well and I won’t break under this. This is very hard especially emotionally and I have a fear that I might not last under the stress and I lose it. Even though I try to be helpful during this moving process and when this all is over I can breathe again...
I'm a bit worried how the cats will adjust to the new house and what if they fall from the balcony. From this current house the drop it "only" two stories but the new one is four. Cats have fell off the balcony before and they have been fine but four stories is a different thing and in a new and strange environment - that's not a good thing. But lets not get ahead of things...

My Veganism

I remember times when I wanted to stop eating meat and become a vegetarian. But I didn't know how to say it out loud and was kind of intimidated how people would respond/will they let me a vegetarian without thinking I'm trying to lose weight or something. So I struggled to continue eat dead animals on my plate a little bit longer. It wasn't a sudden idea or teen-rebel-thing but something I had thought for a long time and wanted to do. And when I finally got it out loud I wasn't sure about the reactions. I wasn't trying to get attention but more like that kind of approval when people won't look me at the dinner table down their noses and looking me munching a piece of cabbage waiting this "phase" to be over and waiting me to crawl back and asking to get meat again. I know my parents but somehow I feared not being allowed to eat what I wanted and what I did not want. I didn't need/want/ask/wait "yes" or "no" answer and the only reason I "announced" it was that it would not be strange if suddenly I would not eat meat. However, it was a good reaction and because of that I felt bad not to break it down much, much earlier.

Actually, I started to realize I had left red meat almost out entirely, I almost never ate fish, I used cheese and eggs very rarely also and little by little I had started to prune meat out of my plate - I had been banning McDonald's for many, many years before all this. At the end of May 2009 I became a Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian; I stopped eating meat and only used eggs and milk. Still the whole time I though why use them at all, I had really only used eggs when I baked and I’m glad I baked very rarely. And milk I didn’t use really at all and to me soymilk even tasted better. It wasn’t a big leap to become a vegan but it happened about a year later. Milk and egg industry is also so very cruel I felt bad that I had eaten those even that long. But after I was totally vegan, I couldn’t feel better about it!

My main reason must have been the suffering of the animals - I had been thinking it from quite a young age. After that I learned more about the negative sides of eating meat and the whole industry. I had thought about the cruelty towards animals a long time, after coming across of those videos and pictures of the cruelty towards them and thinking how can someone do those kinds of things to other living creatures. And also I was confused how could I eat chicken and cow and pig but not my pet cats for example... I mean, people seem to see all meat as meat they can eat. But all living creatures are at the same position to me and I couldn't reason out how could I eat this meat but not that meat - and why would I need to do that for they all live and breath and they all need to be killed for food. That's not right at all.

I wanted to learn more which was a shocking but educating thing to do and every horrible thing I saw and read confirmed that I will stop eating meat, using leather and everything that has came from an animal - by changing my habits I could make a difference on my point. And getting to know what was really going on I made sure I would not be one of those people who just ignore the truth. What also affected me was those stands of animal right organization with horrible images (an aggressive approach but I’ve noticed it is needed) and people giving out leaflets with more info about the horrible industry of meat and eggs and everything. It started out as stopping on the stand and talking to the people and asking questions, taking one of every leaflet (and a few to give out to others), writing down my name to the appeal for animal rights and not just walk by like too many people did, closing their eyes from the reality. And later I asked how to join in the activity.

The more I knew the more I started to feel a disgust towards meat and it became harder and harder to eat and finally I made the decision and changed that. I have not missed meat for I can’t even think of eating it again – same thing with eggs and milk. Sure I’ve eaten meat before I became vegetarian but I don’t ever see myself eating it again. I’m not trying to save the world or giving the impression I would – but the main reason I wanted to change my eating habits was to make myself feel better and knowing no one had to suffer and die because of my food, clothing or anything like that. May sound hypocrite to some people but it’s really that simple without any ulterior motives. Some people still seem think this is some kind of phase but what they don’t seem to know that this has grown like a lifestyle to me.

I was so surprised how much alternative foods is out there for people who don’t eat meat or use eggs or milk. I didn’t really need to give up anything, I was not left missing anything. And those things some people might see as loss is not really a loss to me for I don’t really care for them (for example fish). And with a little creativity certain foods like omelets can still be done without eggs – pretty marvelous.

What also surprised me but in a bad way were attitudes and assumptions towards vegans and people who don’t eat meat coming from ignorant people and rude meat-eaters. Anyone who seems to be different than the “normal” people are often seen as an outsider. It often feels some people are judging you because you don’t eat meat, eggs, cheese, milk or other animal products. When people hear that you are vegan the look they give you may change between confusion and judgment, making you feel like there’s something wrong about not eating meat. And really there is not. Offensive meat-eaters should get over themselves and start accepting that people are different and there’s nothing wrong or weird about being a vegan.

----

I end this entry with funny memes I found...

 

Moving...

I'm so stressed for I'm moving in two weeks. After seeing the new place for the first time a switch turned in my head and that was it. I had been thinking it all the time after that and designing how my room would look. And that's a good thing. It was a big deal for my mom to get my "approval" of the place. It felt like a place to build a home.

My (still) home has been dear for me for these eight past years but as the moving had come closer it has felt harder to "settle down" or seeing this place home anymore as much as before for I'm already picturing the new place and everything related to it. It's like the moving is the next page. I will miss this place but in every good way as possible. 

I have been looking through old photos I’ve taken while living here. And it’s kind of amazing how keen you can get to your surroundings outside the home. While walking by these streets and paths I’ve grown to like them so much. This one place near the water is my favourite place on this earth... Especially in winter. 

“Do you eat fish then?”

When telling people I’m a vegan I have come across the same question disturbingly many times; “do you eat fish then?” – (FYI there is different types of vegetarians. People who include fish and other seafood into their diets are called pesco-vegetarians)
To me this is shocking and confusing for fish is meat as much as any other meat. Why would it not be!? That is MY question. Is it because fishes live under water? Or do people see them as less significant living creature than pigs, chickens, cows or any other animals they eat and which live on the ground? For creatures that live are called animals but creatures that live under water are called seafood and shellfish. And that’s kind of racist isn’t it? They cannot live above it like we cannot live under it. For they live under water they are seen somehow more insignificant than some other living, breathing creatures who live on the ground.

Thinking of fishing, hooks and impaling lip with a sharp object (for example hook/needle), my lip piercing came into my mind and I instantly thought it as an example of when fish takes the bait and the sharp hook pierces its lip and how much it will hurt the fish – and to me it hurt like hell. If someone would have put a hook through it, trying to yank me somewhere with force I would be in pure and cruel pain.

When you are young and first learn about fishing, it occurs to every single child that it MUST hurt when the hook goes into the fish’s lip! The disturbing crunch-like sound when the hook is being pulled out from the fish’s lip made me felt bad – and I do not try to seem hypocrite for I have been fishing when I was a kid but I do now feel awful about it (and even then in some level). I never did like to “keep” the fish I rarely (and unfortunately) caught and even releasing them, I was thinking about the fish having a hole in their mouth and wondering if they heal and how long will they suffer before it? I don’t understand how I could’ve done that for I always felt bad for the fish and I never could kill one with my own hands. And felt horrible in every way when someone were killing them as the fishes were trying to catch a breath but they couldn’t for they were out of the water. Later on I stopped fishing at all and just had to look while other people fished and I remember when someone caught a salmon they yanked it out from its comfortable surroundings and were pounding its neck with a log trying to break its neck, killing it “fast” – they never, ever succeeded at the first try. It was never that fast they wanted to believe…

Just like dogs, cats, and humans, fish do feel pain. Scientists who study pain are in complete agreement that the fish pain response is basically identical to the pain response system in mammals and birds. Fishes are without any legal protection from cruel treatment – before they die they are impaled, suffocated, crushed OR sliced open and gutted all while they're fully conscious.

We are not talking about fishing from the dock or rowing boat – fishing is massive and hurts other animals too, like sharks, whales, seals, sea turtles, other non-target fish and even birds who get tangled in nets and hooked by long-lines. These unfortunate creatures are termed "bycatch" and are thrown overboard and they slowly bleed to death in the water or fall victim to swarming birds.

Whether the fish are raised on aquafarms, caught in the ocean by giant nets or long-lines, or hooked at the end of a fishing line, eating them supports cruelty to animals.

The U.S. fish industry slaughters more than 6 billion (just even think about that number) fish each year, and sport fishing and angling kill another 245 million animals annually.