February 24, 2014

My Thoughts about Self-Confidence

I remembered my old blog entry ”Self-Esteem and Skirts” from June 2012 and started to think of my self-esteem again and what it is today. Back in 2012 it was in pieces but now I have come a long way.

One blog entry of a blogger I sometimes check asked everyone to tell something that they love about themselves - a physical feature, a mental quality, both or anything else. Back in 2012 I would have had to think my head to the point of spinning but nowadays I had an answer right away: three physical features I love myself are my eyes, my pale skin and my long hair. And a mental quality I love is that I've learned I'm more stronger than I have thought, for it has been proven over the years since I've gone through dark times - and I'm still on my feet.

One person asked me at a time that when it was when I felt most beautiful... It took me a moment to answer. I answered that I feel most beautiful when I have my make-up on, I have my hair red and my corset on. That wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either, now when I'm thinking of it afterwards... I do feel prettier than the prettiest girl in the whole world and confident when I'm all dressed up and put on my make-up - but this persons question and my answer more than any, got me thinking... No one had asked me that question for a long time and thus I have not had to think of it... But now when I'm thinking of it, on every morning I'm waking up and seeing myself from the mirror I'm there just smiling to myself! I try to "infect" (that has got to be a wrong word, tell me the right one!) myself with a positive energy by smiling. It has been my ritual for a long time now and I do it every day, all the time, when I'm watching myself on the mirror. But I don’t see myself “ugly” anymore and I still feel quite pretty even in the morning, with my messed up hair and natural face.

And when I have had my make-up, I'm glad to wash it off so I can feel fresh. But, usually, after I have cleaned one eye, I compare the both side of my face and see which one I think is prettier... Nowadays, I usually can not decide... The both sides are equally pretty in their own way, I think. And I don't feel bad anymore to wash away the mask I used to hide behind before – that's how I used to feel, for I nowadays don't do my makeup for no one else but just for me to feel pretty and I’m not hiding anymore! I used to do it for the others and that was just wrong. Now it's not a mask but only highlighting my beauty that I already have and what I have finally learned I have.

Now, I’m trying to portray my feelings I feel nowadays (with or without makeup) with two pictures:


What makes you to feel good about yourself? :)

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