Sorry for my absence... I've been doing everything, trying to be creative and thus, totally forgot to blog!
One thing I haven’t yet mentioned is that I’m
mad about frames – most preferably old, antique looking frames! I love all
antique looking frames, even they are new... I’m dreaming about my own home and
how I would decorate the walls with paintings, pictures, photos and art.
I found these golden frames from a flea market some time ago and I had to buy
them! They are not that big as they may seem on the picture, but they are just
the right size to put next to each other on the wall.
There were cross-stitch flowers in the frames and
I knew that something must be under them. Removing the back, these photos
appeared:
These pictures are quite nice but I want something
more original, so I decided to draw and paint pictures of my own for the frames.
I first thought of painting the frames themselves silver or black, because gold
has never been my color of choice and I might lean towards silver, because shimmering
colors will look good against a dark wallpaper or color – who am I kidding, they
look good against any color!
I have been pondering where to use this tiny key
for and now I know – on the other of the small frames I will get a striped
fabric and sew this tiny key to it. What I will paint or make up for the other
small frame is still a mystery...
I have already made sketches of what I’m going
to paint to the biggest frame; a raven holding an antique key in its beak. I
love ravens and I love keys, so it just came into my mind that I would like a
picture of them both on my wall... I'm still not sure whether I'm going to
paint the raven with acrylics, aquarelle, watercolor, etc. I love painting oil
colours but I simply can't afford them right now...
It is yet unknown how this little project of mine will progress and how fast.
I’m eager to get these frames on my wall, though!
I have started to have ideas to write about from
my dreams... Between the strange dreams and nightmares there’s sometimes true
gems – at least it feels that way to me. They give me ideas and the rest is up
to me.
Usually when I wake up, a simplest idea (for example a black lace mask in one
of my dreams) gives me a new idea to write about and that simple thing in my
dream started to create ideas and a plot and characters like a tree creates
branches. After that dream with the lace mask, I was talking with my mom about
something I can’t remember anymore, for my mind was creating and I was anxious
to go and write everything down. It doesn’t matter where I write my ideas; to
paper, to computer, to my phone – I just need to write the idea down so it
won’t flee out of my mind.
My ideas do flee my mind – sometimes forever. If I wake up in the middle of the
night with a new idea in my head but do not write it down immediately, I most
likely won’t remember it when I next time wake up in the morning. That
frustrates me so much! But I try to calm myself with that it may have not been
that good idea after all, otherwise I would remember it. But the knowledge
about missing something maybe really valuable idea still smothers on the back
of my mind. I may remember tiny parts of the main idea, but that is not enough
to bring the whole idea back... But then I move on.
Today I got yet another idea to write about when I was just laying in my bed
letting my ideas take flight... It might be an idea for a children’s book, or
at least it feels like it at the moment. If the idea catches on it will be a lavishly
illustrated book with lots of ravens... We will see.
I love when the certain parts of the book starts
to come in my head, characters, their names, happenings and the lines every
character would say. It’s like seeing a movie inside my head. The happenings
most likely hit me before the very sentence which starts the whole book. I’m
waiting that one sentence, turning the possible sentences in my head back and
forth seeing will any of them be the one. Until one comes to my mind and that
is it. To me that is the whole key that unlocks the door to the whole new
project once and for all. Then the most interesting part of the journey begins;
will I ever get to the end of it all or will it be an unfinished tale untold?
This is currently one of my favorite necklaces
at the moment. The metal pieces remind me of the type bars of an old typewriter,
which I love. My mom found this necklace from a second hand shop but I have
been using it. I feel it brings me good luck...
The idea I got today is still so fresh, so I couldn’t have work on that much
yet. I like to savour the whole idea before writing anything specific down... I
hope this will start a new tale to tell. Fingers crossed.
Another photographing post right after
another... Maybe because the previous one wasn’t that much of a photographical
when talking about of the amount of different photos. On last Tuesday I was
again in a hurry to leave to the bus stop so I can get on time for my singing
lesson, but I had looked from the window how beautifully snowy everything was
and fret that again I don’t have the time to go outside to photograph.
But! After the singing lesson it was still so light, I could go outside to
photograph. I got my camera and went outside (I first went outside without my
gloves, and thought it would be okay, but no it was not!)
I was photographing for over half an hour, and this is the result that I got:
When I finally got back home, my toes and
fingers were absolutely freezing! Hopefully I put on my socks right after I got
in and I felt much warmer...
It felt good to get some winter pictures in my
photo collection, for I have plenty of summer and any other season pictures
but winter...
By the way, I was not the only chilly one around here:
Lara has been a fan of our star-patterned
blanket from since when we bought it. It was supposed to be ours but she
claimed to herself only.
The rest of the evening (which is quite short after these few classes) went
well, while I was trying to warm up my toes and fingers again... We got our
music theory books on last Tuesday so I have been trying to study the music
theory from then more than ever, so I would be ready for the big text at the
end of the class...
There’s nothing wrong when there’s something nice to do, just like
photographing and studying music theory and singing. I just enjoy the Tuesdays...
This time there’s no series of photos like on my
earlier posts, but one particular photo which I love even it’s not perfect one.
I was looking through my vitrines drawers and found a bunch of old drafts of
one certain photo as well as negatives of the photos I had took.
These are the negatives and the negatives
printed on paper:
As you can see, many of them are either
overexposed or underexposed – I didn’t know how to photograph at all back
then...
However, I managed to find one good photo out of them which I have printed
on a glossy photographic paper. First off I made a test strip to determine how
long to expose the photo to the light.
I tested the exposure
time by making a sheet of paper and exposing it to light for different times
with each test and the negative focused on it.
Then I printed the final photograph on a glossy photographic
paper.
I do know the photograph is underexposed but
somehow I love it so much. Maybe it was because – if I remember correctly – it
was the first time I was given a proper camera with film inside of it and I got inside a darkroom developing photographs for the first time. Or if not for
the very first time but at least after it. And I remember walking around the
roads and places trying to find something beautiful to photograph and to make the limited film count. I just didn’t understand
the shutter speeds, exposure times and everything related to photographing at the time – I had used digital cameras so far where you can see the photos right after taking them and deleting them making the memory card feel limitless. I was
at art school back then and they taught us those cameras and they gave us “old”
cameras with film inside of them and I was just way too excited about being
able to take photos of anything I wanted that I didn’t realized to observe the light
exposure indicator to see whether my photos were overexposed or underexposed
for there were no screen on the camera to see the final photos.
To be honest, I miss photographing with the cameras such as I used back then – you put a film inside and
just go photographing without seeing the final photographs. When you have to know what to do. And then go into a
darkroom with your negatives and develop the photos all by yourself in the
chemicals and not just put an USB wire to your digital camera and download all
the photos to the computer – I’m looking for the instructions to develop photos
in a darkroom right at this moment... I just need a camera and a darkroom!
First off, off the topic, there’s snow!! I have
been waiting for snow for months and now it finally came... but so did the
freeze... Today it suddenly was -17 Celsius outside even through the whole
“winter” so far it has been from - 2 – +10 Celsius and no snow! And the sun has
been clouded for such a long time – but the colder the weather, the more
beautiful day it is and the sun will shine...
If I would have had time today I would have gone
outside to photograph (the reason will become clear on the text below...) but
if tomorrow will be as beautiful as this day, I will sure to grab my camera and
go outside!
I have been concentrating on writing so much and my current life situation has
kept me a lot of home, inside four walls. I have tried to get out of there
every day so I won’t get cabin fever... But to be honest, in between writing, I
have had a lot of free time I haven’t know what to do with. Even I have tried
to change my lifestyle and see people more I sometimes feel... what’s the
word... lonely, isolated, etc. My parents have told me to find something nice
to do, a hobby or a class or something, anything.
Tampere's community college's booklet about their classes comes in every spring
and autumn. The only problem is that it is only distributed in the area of
Tampere (obviously) but since I now live in Pirkkala (still right next to
Tampere) I will not get it – sure there’s a similar booklet of our area but the
classes in it sucks and they are in the middle of nowhere (or more like in the
places I don’t know). Luckily my dad always calls me when the booklet comes. He
told he got the booklet and brought it to me, asking me to pick the classes I’m
interested.
Last week I signed in for Tampere's community college's classes. I was late for
signing in for the classes and first I thought it was all over for the spring.
But then I found that signing in for the classes continues through the whole
spring! Some of the classes I had been watching were already full (such as
violin or piano lessons, but that was no surprise) but I managed to find
classes that I found just right for me: singing lessons and music theory. I
immediately called to the office of the Tampere's community college and they
said I can only sign in advance for the music theory class but to sign in for
the singing class I must go to the first lesson. The classes happened to be on
the same day - the singing class was at noon and lasted two and a half hours
while the music theory class was after seven on the evening and lasted for an
hour and a half.
Today, my dad was kind enough to pick me up so I saved time. He dropped me at
the community college and I went inside and found the right classroom. I went
in and we waited for the rest of the students. There were about 7 or 8 students,
me included. The teacher immediately spotted me and that I was a new face and
asked my name. She is one of the few who didn’t have to ask how to spell my
last name for many people don’t know how it’s spelled after first hearing.
The singing class started by stretching a little and opening our voices. It
felt that the teacher assumed that everyone knew what we were supposed be doing
next and I had to watch at first a little how the thing are done there because
some of the students were “old” so they had been on the class before. The
teacher gave us each pointers how to do the exercises better – to me she said
immediately that I was doing the breathing exercise correctly. It was because I
still did remember what my old singing teacher had told me when I had gone to
singing lessons some years ago. The class’ name was “solo singing” and I had
asked from the office, when I had called there to sign in for the classes, will
it be one on one lesson with a teacher like violin lessons I had been on a few
years back and she said it will be in group. I was of course nervous for that
do I really have to sing in front of a group of people I have never seen
before.
After warming up ourselves and our voices we sang a few songs together and then
was a time to sing solo... But yes, in front of the whole group. At first I was
so nervous and thought could I do it for I haven’t sang in many years in front
of a teacher or anyone else – me singing in the shower doesn’t count! Everyone
went to pick a song for them to sing solo and I couldn’t find anything but a
children’s bed time song we already sang as a group. I was determined that I
would not want to be the last one singing but I didn’t wanted to be the
first... I watched how the teacher gave pointers to each students before me,
stopping between the verses and singing along with some of the students to show
how to do it properly - she was very nice and professional, not mean. I could
only imagine what she would say to me for I didn’t even know did I even
remember how to sing anymore properly and everything came into my head; what if
my voice breaks, what if some of the students laughs at me, what if I’m not
good enough?
After every student, the other students and the teacher applauded. When another
student went sitting I just decided to rise from my chair and go in front of
the class. I gave the sheet music to the teacher and started to sing. She
didn’t stop between the verses, she didn’t give me pointers, she just played to
the end of the song. I was nervous, why didn’t she said anything? And then it
came... “You have a very good voice. Have you sang before?” I was stunned.
“Yes, some years ago”, I answered a bit shy. She said I sing correctly and that
my voice is strong, good and firm, which she meant it doesn’t “leak”. The only
pointer she could think of was that I should put more emotion to the lyrics I’m
singing and while the other students used their 10 minutes of solo singing
working with their singing technique I was working to put more emotion to the
lyrics instead of the technique. At first when I listened the other sing it
felt that ten minutes was so very long time to be up there in front of
everyone, but when I was there myself, the time seemed to fly... When my time
was up, everyone applauded and I was so happy I had done it and faced my fears.
I hide my big smile with taking the sheet music back to the teacher’s desk and
turning my back when I did, smiling.
I kind of hoped the teacher would have given me more critique about my singing
technique but maybe next time. I will be choosing something more challenging
than just a children’s bed time song for next time, that’s for sure. I think of
choosing the Finnish version of the song “Walking In The Air” called “Avaruus”
(if I can find my old sheet music for it) for I have sang it solo in a church,
full of people when I was 17. I’d like to see can I still sing it... It was
interesting to see the feedback everyone got and learn from it too. I first
thought two and a half hours would go by painfully slowly but it felt more like
an hour.
We had admired the ice crystallizing to the window before the class started.
Everyone were like “we need to take a picture!” and I said I had a camera with
me (I always do). I tried to take a decent picture even though I prefer my single-lens
reflex camera but my tiny (but surprisingly good) digital camera was all I had
to work with at the time...
I left from the singing class so happy! I still
had music theory later on that evening but I had time to go home after the
singing class to relax a little and to get myself ready for the next class. I
now waited the music theory class anticipated because the singing class had
gone so well. When we left from home to walk to the bus stop, we saw this odd light
appearance on the sky – it was like aurora but without moving:
I changed bus in the city center and drove near
the Tampere's community college and walked rest of the way. I found the
classroom and I was the first one in there. The teacher asked my name and then
she asked what was my relationship towards music. I told her that I used to go to
violin lessons and I have sang since I was a child and that I’m listening all
kind of music from classical to rock, heavy metal and movie soundtracks. The
teacher asked me why had I came to the class and I said to her that I would
like to refresh my memory of that when time I was still going to music theory
class as a part of my violin lessons and that I would like to learn the theory
behind the music. The teacher had time to talk with me so she asked why did I
gave up playing violin. I said I didn’t gave up, but my financial situation at
that time forced me to stop going to the violin lessons but since then I have
been searching for a teacher...
As the other students started to get there, there seemed to be “old” students
from last autumn, but from every new student the teacher asked about the same
question; “what is your relationship with music?” The teacher called everyone’s
names – not all students were present but the class started anyway. It seemed
to start where the rest of the “old” students had left of from last autumn.
Still the new students said they didn’t know what the teacher was talking about
so we started at the absolute basics again – from major scale to minor scale,
time signature, octaves, intervals, etc. The music theory class was so
interesting! The teacher was funny, told a lot about the history of music and
said we could ask anything at any time so everyone would understand everything.
The music theory class had only one problem, the same problem with singing
class: the time went by too fast! I was like “oh, is it over so soon?” when the
class ended.
I’m nervous every time there’s something new and exciting and something to do
with new people I don’t already know - I had been very nervous since yesterday
and thought would I go to the classes at all. But my parents have talked to me
about facing my fears and to conquer them. So I decided to put my nervousness
aside and go to the classes, no matter what... It has been one of my best
decisions I’ve made lately. And I had to admit to my parents that this was a
great thing for me! My dad has been telling me to take these classes for years
and now I finally done it (more than just one class in some random year). I was
so excited after today’s classes – now after my Tuesday is full I’m playing
with ideas what to do with my other days... maybe more classes, if that’s still
possible..?
This day has been so awesome and I can’t wait until next Tuesday!
p.s. I already found many songs and sheet music to choose from for the next
singing lessons...
