April 21, 2012

Thoughts About Moving

After seeing about twenty boxes in front of the house was a wake up call that this is really happening. And only then I realized I will really miss this home. After carrying the boxes inside, I hated the “smell” of they left and it didn’t smell like home anymore, but rather a strange place - and that confirms the situation.

I have been taking photos of the house so after we have moved we could look at those photos and remember how our last home was... I took several “same” photos from the same corner but you can’t really see from the tiny screen of the camera is the photo a bit tilted or blurry, so I play it safe. I took photos yesterday, today and will continue taking photos tomorrow and planning on doing that on the coming days before the rooms are being touched and things put in boxes.

 All the cats were confused about what was going on and came to see what I was doing. Siru must jump over the display case and watched at me from above...

It came a bit of a shock how fast this all is going after all. At first I waited it would, for it felt taking too long (also partially because of the raging anxiety, I suppose) and this one day when I sat down and talked about this whole thing with my mom it came up that we are moving already on this next Wednesday and start packing every day from now on. I had been hearing date 1st of May so much that in my head I thought we would move then but Wednesday is already 25th day. And now this all is feeling to go on too fast... Pretty stupid, huh.

I feel that I don’t have time to take everything out of this place since we are not spending this summer here and even realizing my anxiety must have been because of this moving thing and now it’s even more for I feel I have to use this time somehow very creatively and I don’t know what to do. I just hate seeing these grey plastic moving boxes around and every time I go in any room I’m trying to save the sight in my head for I know it would be packed in grey boxes faster than I know. I’m admire these sunny days between these grey cloudy ones while I’m still here, in this house. I know I can come back here to walk around this place but I fear and know it might not feel the same since the moving is over and I no longer live here. And like always going to places where I used to live and seeing my old homes with some other people now living in them feels just somehow uncomfortable and strange. I never get use to that.

I hope that everything goes well and I won’t break under this. This is very hard especially emotionally and I have a fear that I might not last under the stress and I lose it. Even though I try to be helpful during this moving process and when this all is over I can breathe again...
I'm a bit worried how the cats will adjust to the new house and what if they fall from the balcony. From this current house the drop it "only" two stories but the new one is four. Cats have fell off the balcony before and they have been fine but four stories is a different thing and in a new and strange environment - that's not a good thing. But lets not get ahead of things...

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